The studio is just a couple of blocks away from my apartment. Even so, it’s always a rushed morning on filming days. That’s not even mentioning the fact that Todd stayed over the night before. That definitely complicated things.
For one, Todd was still sleeping when I emerged from the bathroom (after my morning shower). I had to shake him awake and make sure he was ready to go. While he was getting ready, my parents were just waking up.
And…yeah, it was a thing.
They wanted to make sure Todd had some breakfast but I told them we didn’t have time. Finally, when Todd was out of the bathroom, I shoved some fruit in his hands (that should be a hearty breakfast for him). With that being said, we were still out the door in a reasonable amount of time.
It’s needless to say that Todd was completely star struck when we arrived on the set. The PBS set, that is, but it’s officially called the Children’s Television Workshop. I have no idea why. It’s a dumb sounding name that doesn’t even accurately describe what goes on there. I think it was coined in the 1970s or something. You know…a long time ago.
Anyway, he was clearly overwhelmed with everything. I introduced him to the entire crew. They were all milling around the kitchen counter and having their morning meeting.
The introductions went reasonably well. There were no stuttering attacks or anything like that. Howard seemed to like him. I think he did but, yeah, I’m pretty sure he liked him.
The main set is my apartment on the show. That’s the default stage. It’s where we film most of the scenes you see on TV. But, of course, as you already know the show has other stages as well (like the bodega and the classroom). We also film outside on occasion.
So, yeah, everything’s going fine so far. But that’s when I notice something strange. Okay. The crew is here as usual but where’s everybody else? There’s no Sam or Tim or any of my costars.
“No one else is here yet, Howard?” I ask.
“They weren’t needed for today. We’re just doing the interviews and not filming anything else. We needed to give them an off day anyway and this was the best time to do it.” Howard says while sitting at the kitchen counter and sipping from his coffee mug. Several production assistants are milling around him as he nods in response to their conversation.
“Oh. I’m sorry about that, Todd. You’ll meet them next time.” I tell Todd who’s standing right beside me.
“Jacinta’s here, though.”
“Huh? Why just her?”
“She’s filming her introductory interview. We can’t use Lorena’s interview in the Back to School special for obvious reasons. Anyway, she’s in makeup right now but she should be out soon.”
“She’s replacing Lorena on the show.” I explain to Todd.
“Speaking of, Todd should be getting into makeup as well.” Howard then turns to one of the assistants standing next to him. “Can you take Todd down to the trailer, Ian?”
“Wait a second. Let me do it. I need to get in makeup anyway.”
“I need to go over some things with you first.”
I watch Ian lead Todd away to the exits several feet away.
“You with me, Autumn?” Howard asks.
“Um, yeah, sorry.” I turn my attention back towards him.
“We have fifty-five kids coming and they’ll be here in about two hours or so. Once they get here, you and Jacinta are going to greet them.”
“You mean go in the seats?”
“Exactly. They’ll probably ask you for selfies so make sure you get every kid. Then one of the PAs will get them settled down for the interviews. Remember, you have ten minutes and then I’m bringing Jacinta in for hers.”
I don’t even remember the last time I even went up into the auditorium like seats, which overlooks the set. In fact, we’ve never filmed in front of a live audience before. The PAs and the rest of the crew will sit up there sometimes but it’s usually pretty empty.
“Hey, Autumn. What’s up? What’s up?” Jacinta says as she approaches me.
“Hey, Jacinta. You finished in makeup already?”
“No. Let’s not talk about that. The real question is why am I always here before you? You live only a couple blocks away. What’s the deal?” She laughs.
“Well, if you want to distort reality, fine. Your hotel is even closer than my apartment.”
“Look at you. Talking about ‘distorting reality.’ I only speak truth so you try to distract. How much you wanna bet?”
“I have no problem taking your money. You know that.” I tell her.
“Okay. Maybe, just maybe, I’m a little closer. But just a little.”
“You want to get in makeup now, Autumn?” Howard asks.
“Yeah. Go to makeup.” Jacinta calls after me as I walk to the exits.
I push open the heavy door and the sun momentarily distracts me as I step onto the gravel. The makeup trailer is only a couple of feet away as I make my way towards it. There are a few crewmembers lingering around and talking. So, you know, a usual workday.
“Morning, Sharon.” I say as I enter the cramped trailer. Several chairs and small tables are scattered around the tiny space. I don’t know why Sharon needs all this stuff. She rarely uses all these tables. Besides that, it’s hard to even squeeze in here sometimes.
Sharon’s workstation, the only one I’ve seen her use anyway, is situated near the wall of the trailer. Todd is sitting in the chair, as Sharon looks him over while holding her small brush.
“And a beautiful morning to you too, Autumn. Your friend is doing just fine. I can tell it’s his first time, though. He was flinching a little bit.” Sharon says.
“You okay, Todd?” I ask him.
“Yeah.” Todd says as Sharon continues to observe him. Her body squeezed between the wall and her workstation. Like I said, it’s a tough fit. The lack of a budget means we won’t get a larger trailer anytime soon.
Sharon nods as she brushes her long blonde hair away from her eyes.
“Very nice. Okay, you’re good to go, Todd.”
Todd then gets up from the chair and almost bumps into me in the process.
“All set?” Sharon asks me.
“Do I have a choice?” I sit down in the salon chair as Sharon laughs.
Meanwhile, Todd just stands there as if unsure of what to do. He has his hands in the pockets, of his brown khakis, while staring straight at the floor.
“Uh, Todd, you can go back. It’s too cramped in here to wait for me.”
Todd hesitates again as he turns his head to look at the door. Finally, he opens it and exits the trailer.
The makeup process is never challenging with Sharon at the helm. It’s just so nice and relaxing. Okay. The only thing left to do is wardrobe and that’s always basic. I do envy Todd, though, that Howard said that he could wear his own clothes (as long as they were presentable).
With that piece of business finished, I wave goodbye to Sharon and leave the trailer. My feet hit the gravel as I head back toward the studio.
Huh? What’s Todd doing just there standing by the door?
“Were you out here this whole time? Why didn’t you just go inside?”
“I…I…didn’t know if I was supposed to.”
“So, you just stood here? It’s fine. You talked to everyone and they know you’re supposed to be here.”
Todd just nods but I’m not sure if he really understands.
“Look, let’s just get inside.” I then lead Todd back into the studio.
The crewmembers are now laying down the cables and going through the beginning stages of filming. It’s a truncated shooting day but they still have to go through the process.
I advise Todd to watch his step as we make our back to the kitchen. The only one sitting at the counter now is Jacinta. She’s drinking from a small carton of orange juice.
“Jacinta. I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine. His name is Todd King and I’m interviewing him today. He’s a really big fan of the show.”
“That’s awesome. It’s so nice to meet you.” Jacinta then extends her hand and Todd shakes it.
“Well, I was going for a fist bump but that works. Those are some fingers you got there. How’d you get them to…”?
“Yeah, well, anyway. Jacinta is new to the show but you’ll see her in upcoming episodes. I think your debut is the bird smuggling episode.”
“Yep. That’s the one.”
“Where are you from, Todd?” Jacinta asks while taking a sip from her orange juice.
“I’m from New Jersey. I attended school at Monmouth University.”
“That’s so awesome. What did you major in?”
“I majored in History. I also minored in Anthropology as an undergrad but my Masters is in History.”
“Cool. Cool. I’m from Chicago. The South Side of Chicago to be more specific.”
“Tell Todd how you got the part.” I urge Jacinta.
“Yeah, well, I was actually in a group called the Joyfulness Club. It was, like, a local community group that put on performances. Singing and dancing and stuff like that. So, when I heard they were having auditions, I told my parents and they took me here. After I begged and begged them.” Jacinta laughs.
“I stay at a hotel with my Mom while we’re filming and then fly back home. It’s very, very hectic and crazy.”
“Anything you want to ask her, Todd?”
“I can’t think of anything right now.”
“That’s okay. Hey. Do you mind taking a selfie with Todd?” I ask Jacinta while motioning towards her.
“I’d love to.”
“Great. Can I see your phone, Todd?” I ask him as he reaches into his pocket and hands me his phone.
Jacinta then gets up from the counter and walks over to the other side (where Todd and I are standing). I snap the selfie and give Todd his phone back.
“Um. Isn’t that Todd’s phone? Why did you take it?”
“Don’t worry about it.” I tell her.
“We need you in wardrobe, Autumn.” Ian calls out from the other side of the stage.
“I’ll be right there.”
“You going to be okay, Todd? Just chill with Jacinta for a little while.”
“I’ll be fine.”
I give Jacinta a knowing glance but she doesn’t seem to get it. She just waves me off while taking another sip from her orange juice.
Whatever.
I just hope she understands the severity of the situation and acts accordingly. I don’t want all my work from last night to unravel in front of my face.
The kids start filtering in single file and, predictably, start screaming in excitement (they must be in 2nd or 3rd grade). For their part, the PAs and their camp counselor take them to their seats but they can’t stop pointing and shouting. I wave at the kids but that only makes it worse.
Todd starts to squirm in his chair and that worries me. I really don’t want him to freak out.
“It’s okay, Todd. It’s not a big deal. Remember what we talked about. You’re used to crowds, right?” I whisper to him.
“Is he okay?” Jacinta asks.
“He’s cool. This is just all so new to him. He’ll be fine.”
It’s a weird coincidence that the kids are wearing light green shirts, which is the same color as my dress. I guess it’s appropriate, though.
Howard then walks onto the stage when the kids are finally seated.
“Thank you everyone for being here. I want to formally welcome you to the Spirit Scribe set.”
Howard strategically pauses as the kids start cheering like crazy.
“Judging from your reaction, you know that this is where the magic happens. Now, today, you’re going to witness two very special interviews. In one interview, we’re going to introduce you to the newest member of our show, Jacinta Hernandez. And in the second, Autumn Blevins is going to be interviewing someone with learning disabilities.”
“Now, this show has always prided itself on its inclusivity and diversity. As most of you are probably aware, Autumn has learning disabilities and was bullied last year because of it. Since that time, she has become a fearless advocate in educating people on learning and developmental disabilities. We hope this interview resonates with all of you.”
“Before we begin, however, Autumn and Jacinta are going to meet every single one of you. Please have your phones ready.”
That’s our cue as Jacinta and I rush up the steps and into the horde of kids. They’re all shouting and reaching out for us. It’s really disorienting. The funny thing is they don’t even know Jacinta yet but they’re still losing their minds.
“One at a time, guys.” I tell the kids.
That helps a little bit as we’re able to finally get organized enough to take the selfies.
After several minutes of that, we come back down the steps. Todd is already in the backstage area as I make my way there as well. I then watch through the curtain as Howard interviews Jacinta. What a surprise. He’s such an egomaniac. Has to have his fingers in everything.
Todd is standing right next to me but he’s still fidgety, you know. He just looks very uncomfortable.
“You going to be okay, Todd? We’re on in a couple of minutes.”
“Yeah. I’m good. I’m thinking about what I’m going to say.”
“That’s a good idea, actually. Listen when you’re talking about being bullied; just describe it in general terms. Don’t mention being pooped or urinated on. We have a crowd of little kids. It won’t go over well.”
“Absolutely. Don’t worry. I won’t divulge any graphic details.”
I’m really surprised that Todd didn’t stutter once during that entire exchange. My plan worked, after all. Just like I knew it would. I only wish Meylin was here so I could shove it in her face.
“You guys ready? Howard’s about to introduce you.” Ian notifies us as Jacinta comes through the curtain.
“That was easy.” She says.
“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it.” I tell her as Jacinta sticks out her tongue at me.
I hear Howard announce us as I give Todd one last look but he avoids any eye contact.
We walk past the curtain and onto the sound stage. The applause is so loud that I almost lose focus. It’s only about fifty kids but they can make a lot of noise.
Todd and I then sit down in the chairs placed right in the middle of the stage. I smile and wave to the crowd as they cheer, and scream, even louder.
“Hello, everyone. My name is Autumn Blevins and I play Lexi Fransen on Spirit Scribe but you already knew that.”
I pause to allow the kids a chance to applaud once again. Yeah. It gets annoying but it’s just something I have to do.
“Now, as Howard mentioned, I want to introduce you all to a very special guest. Well, let me backup for a second. I previously interviewed this person on my Instagram but it was never posted. I came to believe that this was a better forum for conducting this interview. You know, in front of you.”
“Was I right, guys?” I ask even though I already know how they’re going to respond.
The rapturous cheering and whistling gives me my answer as I soak it all in.
“I knew I was right. Anyway, I want to introduce you to my friend, Todd King. He has a Master’s degree in History from Monmouth University. But he also has learning disabilities and this is going to be the topic of our discussion. How these disabilities affected him, not only in academia, but throughout his life.”
“Let’s give Todd a warm Spirit Scribe welcome.”
The applause is more tepid this time. They’re mostly just doing it to be polite.
“Okay, Todd. Let’s talk a little about growing up with learning disabilities. Were you always aware that you were different from everyone else?”
“Yes. I mean, you’re talking about elementary school, right?” Todd asks.
“Sure.”
“Yes. I realized it early on. I was always behind, for lack of a better term. I was placed in resource rooms, or special education classes, since the beginning. Especially, relating to Math and my maturity levels. The other kids were just much more advanced.”
“Right. Okay, yeah. You mentioned to me that you were bullied excessively starting in middle school. Can you go into some detail on that and how this bullying related to your disability?”
“Um, yes, it really started when other kids noticed that I…I…I…I…had…had…a stuttering problem.” Todd finally blurts out after some effort.
That…is not what I wanted to hear. Maybe it was just a blip. Yeah. That’s it. He’s fine.
“What did they do when they found out?” I ask.
“They mimicked my stutter and taunted me about it.”
“But what else did they do, Todd? Didn’t they do something else? Didn’t they tell you to do things to make you look stupid?”
I see Todd’s head turn to look straight at the audience as his feet start to twitch.
“Todd…”
He then turns back to me but his shoes still scrape the floor.
“Yes. That started in middle school but it really escalated in high school.” Todd says.
“Escalated how?”
“It…it…it…it…got…got…more…more…more…intense. This group of guys pretended to…to…to…be my friends and…and…coerced me into…into…picking fights. Saying stupid things to other people and watched me get beat up.”
“If…if…if…I…I…didn’t they assaulted me. They…they…called…me retarded and…and…”
My hands squeeze my knees as my worst nightmare is unfolding right in front of me. The entire set is filled with such an uncomfortable silence that I don’t even want to look at the audience.
I need to start skipping questions and just get to the end (like bypassing when he was sent to that special school). Just need to ask him one more question. He can last for that much longer.
“That’s horrible. I can see how much pain this is bringing you so I’ll just ask one more question. What happened in your senior year of high school?”
“I…I…I…it…it…was…was…was…”
Todd then stands up and stumbles to the kitchen counter.
“Everything’s fine. Can we get some water, Ian?” I say. “He just needs something to drink.”
Todd then walks back towards me and hesitates for a second. He sits back down but stands up again almost immediately.
That’s when it happens.
Todd throws up all over my shoes and on the surrounding floor. My shoes and the bottom part of my dress are covered with reddish, brown chunks of vomit as I just sit there.
Screams reverberate from the audience as kids start running up and down the steps. They’re not excited screams this time but terrified ones. The camp counselor shouts at them to calm down but they don’t listen.
I close my eyes but the screams still ring in my ears. Howard calls something out but I don’t hear the words.
“Autumn. You have to get up.” Ian says as I open my eyes to view the chaos around me.
Todd is being led off the stage by the PAs as Ian kneels by my side. “Come on, kid. Let’s go.”
I stand up and feel the vomit inside my shoes. The residue got inside them as well. Ian then takes my hand and guides me off stage. Despite my better judgment, I look into the stands and see little kids crying.
My mind is a blur. I can’t think. Where’s my red ball?
I follow Ian through the curtain and see Jacinta standing there with a horrified look on her face.
“Are you okay? What happened?” Jacinta whispers.
“Not now, Jacinta. You should get changed and go home.” Ian tells her.
“I want to get changed too.” I tell him even though I can’t even hear the words exit my mouth.
“That’s a good idea.” Ian says while eyeing my vomit-covered shoes.
I don’t say anything to Jacinta while in wardrobe and she respects my desire for silence. It’s not like I can even explain what happened. My mind…it’s just not working right. I’m still too much in shock.
Ian is waiting outside the door when I emerge wearing my regular clothes. However, since the shoes were mine, I wasn’t able to change them.
“Todd’s fine. He doesn’t need medical assistance or anything like that. We think it was just the stress of the interview.”
“Don’t…let him leave by himself. You…have to call an Uber for him.”
“I’ll text Howard and let him know. Don’t worry, Autumn. We’re going to make sure he’s okay.”
“I need to get out of here.”
“Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. I’ll clear everything with Howard.”
The heat is a panacea this time instead of an annoyance as I step outside the studio. I survey my surroundings but they don’t make sense. Buildings surround me and the sidewalk is right in front of me but, somehow, it doesn’t make sense. Cars are honking as usual but I don’t really see or hear them. It’s more like an echo of a sound than the actual thing.
I’m not even aware of entering my apartment or even how I got there. Dad is sitting on the couch but I don’t acknowledge him.
“Home already? How’d everything go?” Dad asks.
“Fine. Everything’s fine.”
“Where’s Todd? I thought he’d be with you.”
“He…he went home.”
“But he left his backpack here.”
I don’t answer as I walk to my room. Once I get inside, I kick my vomit-covered shoes off and jump into bed. The soft mattress offers little relief as I burrow my head underneath the pillows.
I need my red ball. Right now.
I toss the pillows to the floor as I grab the ball from my nightstand. Almost instantly, I begin rubbing and stroking the ball. My hands greedily tear at the plastic as I close my eyes. The only thing left is to keep rubbing until everything is quiet.
My phone going off brings me back to reality. I put the ball down and answer it.
“How are you, Autumn? Ian told me you were really upset which is understandable considering the circumstances. Please know that we’re all here for you. It wasn’t your fault.” Howard says.
“I don’t…I don’t want to talk right now.”
“I understand but let Todd know he left his phone here.”
“What…? You let him leave?”
“He said he was going home and declined any medical assistance. What did you expect us to do?”
“Ian didn’t mention anything about helping Todd get an Uber?”
“No, he didn’t, actually. He was busy dealing with a bunch of screaming kids.”
“Todd’s an adult so I’m sure he can manage. You’re only a couple of blocks away from the studio.” Howard says.
“No. You don’t understand!”
“What are you…”?
“How long ago did he leave, Howard?”
“About twenty minutes ago. I still don’t…”
I disconnect the call and march out of my room. Dad is still sitting on the couch and reading his book.
“I’m about to invite a lot of people over so I suggest you read in the park or something.”
“You’re kicking me out of my own apartment? Why don’t you drop the attitude and tell me what’s going on?” Dad says.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. There was an incident on the set involving Todd and…”
I bite my tongue as the words refuse to leave my lips.
“What incident, Autumn?”
“He was overwhelmed and he threw up. And I think he ran away.”
“Ran away? He’s a graduate student. Not a little kid. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”
“He’s embarrassed and probably needs to blow off some steam.” Dad says.
“No, Dad, you don’t get it. He doesn’t comprehend directions. He’s going to get himself lost, especially without his phone. I have to find him.”
“You’re serious about this?”
“Look, maybe, I’m wrong but I just feel it. I just feel something bad is going to happen unless I find him. That’s why I’m going to text all the kids that I know and start a search. It’s better than the alternative.”
“In that case, I’ll keep a lookout as well. If you don’t hear from him in a couple of hours, let me know.” Dad says.
I watch my Dad exit the apartment as I start going through my contacts. Have to get as many kids involved as possible. There’s no other way.
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