The most frustrating aspect about posting something on Instagram is the idiotic comments. Well, that and the creepy DMs I get but that’s another story. It’s like, despite what I post, most of the comments are a mishmash of the usual garbage.
“Can you DM me, please? I’m a really big fan of yours.”
“Can you follow me? It would really mean a lot to me.”
And it gets worse from there. I’m sure you guys get the picture. However, as I’m sifting through the comments as I speak, I notice another annoying trend. Questions about how I got into acting. I feel like I’ve answered that question a million times. Of course, I never reply to any of my fans. I’m speaking more like I’ve talked about breaking into acting on other platforms.
I guess what I’m trying to say is you really should know how I got into acting and what my first job was. Everyone else does. You know what? Since I’m not getting much traction so far, and I have a lot of time on my hands, I’m just going to tell you anyway. It’s the nice thing to do.
Okay. So, how’d I get started in this business? What was my first gig? Funnily enough, it was for a kid’s toothpaste commercial when I was five. Not that uncommon but still kind of weird.
I personally don’t remember the desire of wanting to act but my Mom tells me I begged her to get on TV. That’s the only thing I talked about when I was a toddler. It was like an obsession. So, after a while of harassing my parents, they finally relented and I started auditioning. There was only one slight problem. Okay, a major problem.
At that point in time, my stimming took the form of flapping my hands. Imagine slapping your hands in the air with repeated motions. I would do the hand-flapping thing constantly. This lasted for hours on end (or what felt like hours). Anyway, it was for a long time. Keep in mind that this was before I became self-conscious about it and hid my stimming from people. Needless to say, my flapping threatened to be a significant obstacle and it was.
It was not the only threat to my career, though. No. The look on people’s faces when I flapped and their disgust, coupled with confusion, taught me an early lesson. That people were uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. You know, like they couldn’t place it in the context of their own lives.
This realization occurred on the set when I was filming the aforementioned toothpaste commercial. In fact, during a break, I started flapping and the director came up to me. He said that my stimming, he called it “excessive waving,” was distracting the crew.
When he told me that, I remember being really embarrassed. Like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to. Ever since then, I’ve refrained from stimming in public. This decision was bolstered by the fact that a major opportunity was on the horizon. I didn’t want my flapping to ruin that chance.
Let’s fast-forward a few years. I’m nine and the commercial work was steady but I was feeling unfulfilled. The money was good. No. It was really good. It was just that, I don’t know, I wanted something more. The goal of becoming an actor was to actually perform on television or in a movie. Instead, I was just promoting product for corporations. So, I decided to aggressively pursue more dramatic roles.
I remember reading something online. I forget where, that auditions were being held in Maine for a horror movie. You know the one, Zombie Graveyard. The premise sounded ridiculous but I just felt good about possibly landing the part. Anyway, I begged my parents to take me but I knew it was a long shot. First of all, Toby was still just a baby and my parents had their own jobs to worry about. To my surprise, they actually agreed to take me. Well, my Dad was just going to take me but still, I was going.
Every moment of that weekend is forever etched in my memory. I was fatigued and felt nauseous constantly. This was accompanied by feelings of inadequacy and not being talented enough. More so, that maybe I wasn’t ready for this. I barely slept that night when we stayed at the hotel. In a strange way, I wanted nothing more than to get to the audition but, another part of me, never wanted to see the morning light creep through the window. This attitude persisted throughout the entire auditioning process.
The actual audition was nothing out of the ordinary. It was the usual standing on a stage before the casting directors and reciting some prepared lines. Furthermore, it was an open audition so a lot of girls, ranging from seven to thirteen or so, were milling around. The role was for the main character’s daughter so it attracted a lot of interest.
Well, I was one of the last ones to audition but before I was called, another girl went before me. We didn’t really talk beforehand and the only thing I noticed was that her blonde hair was braided into pigtails. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. However, once she began auditioning, she held everyone in the palm of her hand. I mean she was unbelievable. You thought she was eyeing the role of a Shakespearean tragedy and not some sleazy horror movie.
When she was finished, she received a standing ovation (even though you’re not really supposed to do that). Even Stephen Kane jumped out of his seat, the author who wrote Zombie Graveyard, and shook her hand. Of course, she was all smiles and false humility when she wished me “good luck.”
Unfortunately, for me, my anxiety increased a thousand times in the span of five minutes. Even my legs were shaking which never happened to me before. My audition, as you might have predicted, didn’t go so well. Still, I was better than most of the other girls.
The train ride home was quiet as I just thought about how my opportunity was wasted. There might not be another chance, at least for a while. That is to say, I knew I wasn’t getting the part.
It was only a few weeks later when I read that pigtail girl got the part. Even though, it was expected, I was still devastated. I remember going into my room and crying my eyes out. It’s the most I ever cried until Toby died. Maybe I wasn’t good enough to do movies and my life was just going to be commercials (and even that might dry up at some point).
A couple of months later, I received a phone call from my agent. He told me that they wanted me to do another audition for the role (a digital audition this time).
Huh? I didn’t really understand. The film was already in production and pigtail girl already had the part.
Well, as it turned out, the girl that they cast couldn’t remember her lines. No matter how many chances they gave her, she was incapable of learning any of the material. Finally, they just gave up on her. That’s life. Luckily for me, I have a photographic memory.
The second audition went smoothly and I was hired before the week was over. My parents were happy for me but my Mom wasn’t too thrilled when she knew that meant moving to Maine for a few months (my Dad stayed in Brooklyn). It’s not that big of a deal. I mean she needed to use that sabbatical, which all tenured professors get, sometime.
I hope that cleared everything up about how I got my first major acting job. As you already know, that led to me getting the starring role in Spirit Scribe (that and the publicity surrounding Jessica bullying me). That’s why this new project is so important. It’s just another stepping-stone to something better.
Related Articles:
Being Special, Chapter 1: https://baltimoreraven87.medium.com/being-special-chapter-1-b5e175dc0d00
Being Special, Chapter 2: https://baltimoreraven87.medium.com/being-special-chapter-2-4c622095b4e9
Being Special, Chapter 3: https://baltimoreraven87.medium.com/being-special-chapter-3-9515c777c14
Being Special, Chapter 4: https://baltimoreraven87.medium.com/being-special-chapter-4-d9f850a08edd
Being Special, Chapter 5: https://baltimoreraven87.medium.com/being-special-chapter-5-d7160ad484ca
