The bell rings as I scramble to get my locker open. I’m going to be late if I don’t hurry up. That’s the only motivation necessary as I finally get the metal door open and toss in my backpack.
Wait a second. I almost forgot the lithograph. So, I reach back into the locker and remove it from my backpack. Then I slam the door shut while imagining it felt my frustration. Maybe just a little.
“You think I have enough time, Meylin?”
Oh…I forgot about that too. Meylin was always by my side before school started. And now she’s not anymore.
I don’t even want to think about having lunch, on the first day of school, without my best friend sitting right next to me.
It’s going to feel so weird. School hasn’t even started yet and I really miss her.
I take the lithograph and start searching for Emily. I don’t even know where her locker is as I exchange hellos with people in my grade.
I’m seriously going to be late if I don’t find her. Have to ask someone. That’s when I see Felicia talking to a couple of kids.
“You know where Emily Flum’s locker is, Felicia?”
“Down to your left. You’ll see her.”
“Thanks.”
I see her, all right. Emily and Jessica laughing together. This is just great. I feel myself start to tense up again as a wave of nausea washes over me. Jessica is the absolute last person I wanted to see. I don’t even know what to do.
It’s either give it to her now, while it’s in my hands, or catch her later. I should do it now while I’m here. I’m not even sure I’ll see her later in the day.
The bell rings again as more kids head to their first class.
My heart is racing as I inch my way to Emily. I can’t believe, even after an entire year, Jessica still makes me feel this way.
I take a deep breath and walk up to Emily.
“Hey, Emily. I just wanted to give you something for helping me during the summer. Thanks for everything.”
I hand her the lithograph, which was signed by all the actors on Spirit Scribe, and Emily’s face instantly lights up.
“Wow. This is so awesome. I thought you said you couldn’t get them to sign it, though.”
“Things changed.”
“Hey, listen, I’m sorry about the show ending. You’ll be in something else soon. I know it.” Emily says.
I see the way Jessica stares at me (without even blinking). It’s just a look of pure hatred and revulsion. It makes my heart pound even harder inside my chest.
“Gotta go. Just caught a whiff of puke breath.” Jessica says before walking away in the opposite direction.
“Are you okay? She shouldn’t have…” Emily starts but I turn away from her.
I steady the lunch tray in my hands as I survey the crowded cafeteria. Everyone is laughing and shouting. Last year, I would have joined them, but not today. Today is different. I’m not the same person anymore.
It doesn’t take long to spot my former friends seated at a table. Well, I shouldn’t say they’re all my former friends. Hassan and I are still friends. However, I’m not as close with Kanisha as I used to be. You know…before the whole Todd thing happened.
“Hey, Autumn. What’s going on? It’s weird seeing you at school. You used to have that tutoring thing all the time.” Hassan says as I sit down in the empty chair beside him.
“Yeah. I’m still getting used to life without the show anymore.”
“Hey, Autumn.” Kanisha says.
“Hi, Kanisha.”
Meylin is sitting next to Kanisha but she doesn’t say anything to me.
I should get used to the silent treatment because it’s not going to change. It’s all self-inflicted too. What I’m saying is, I don’t blame her for not talking to me. Still hurts, though, all the same.
“You want to come over today? Before I went on vacation, you said you’d take a look at my comic collection when I got back. It’s still small but I’ve been building it up. Oh yeah…my parents got me these really cool action figures last month.”
“Comic books?”
“Um…yeah. You know I read comics, right? You okay? Hey. If you don’t want to do that, we could do something else. We could…”
“No. Don’t worry about it, Hassan. I want to check out your collection. Wouldn’t miss it.”
“How’s the career thing going?” Hassan asks.
“It’s…going okay. It’s just really slow right now. The thing is, I can’t believe that…”
“What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you got hair in your food.”
“I’m good. It’s just that…I…”
“Have you drawn anything recently?” I ask.
“I draw all the time. I just thought you weren’t interested.”
“That’s not true. I think your artwork is amazing. Do you still draw superheroes?”
“All the time. I received a bit of inspiration while on vacation. I don’t know if you want to see it or…”
“Of course I do.”
“I’ve always had trouble drawing buildings in the past. I’m just not good at it. So, I spent a lot of time practicing while in Mogadishu. Let me show you.”
Hassan ducks under the table and I hear him rummaging through his backpack. He reemerges with his prized sketchbook.
“Tell me what you think of this.” Hassan says as he flips through the pages.
Finally, he stops and hands me the pad. The drawing is that of a very tall building. It’s so tall that it almost reaches the top of the paper. Outstretched before the tower is what appears to be sand and the accompanying ocean.
“It’s not finished. I still need to add more detail to the sand and ocean but it should be clear enough.”
“I love it, Hassan. Uh, what building is it?”
Hassan laughs. “I’ll forgive you for not knowing. I know your geography isn’t the best. It’s the Lido Beach Hotel. The tallest building in Mogadishu.”
“Wow. That’s really impressive.”
“Thanks, Autumn. I put a lot of time into it. Did you, maybe, want to look at another one I did?’
“Are you kidding? You better show me.”
The smile on Hassan’s face and the enthusiasm he has for his work is awesome. I should have asked him about his projects a long time ago instead of always talking about myself.
The bell rings, which signals the end of lunch, and Hassan promises to show me more later. I turn to Meylin and I just want to say something. Anything.
But I don’t and she walks away.
I exit the cafeteria and duck into the bathroom. There should be enough time before my next class.
The bathroom is surprisingly clean but it is the first day of school. Notwithstanding, I still take out the napkin that I pocketed during lunch to open the stall door before going inside.
That’s when I look at my hands. They look the same but I don’t know. Is my index finger more crooked than before? Like it’s not aligning correctly with the rest of my fingers. I check my left hand and examine my fingers closely.
They seem okay.
The only image in my mind is the way Todd’s fingers looked. How they resembled claws more than actual hands. The amount of abuse he subjected his hands through excessive stimming.
Am I going to turn into Todd one day?
I’m not just worried about my hands. How about if I start stuttering or become entirely dependent on others? How about if I’m unable to do things every adult should (when I get older)? Forget about my acting career. Am I going to get a decent paying job?
What’s my future going to look like? Am I even going to have one?
I look down at the curious condition of my right index finger. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I’m just overly stressed with everything that’s happened lately.
I need…I need something. Then I dig into my jean pocket and take out my red ball.
It’s all I can do.
NEXT: THE EPILOGUE
Related Articles: Link to Chapter 19 https://baltimoreraven87.medium.com/being-special-chapter-19-1163fd1fcb6e All previous chapters are linked at the bottom.
